It's the AFL Grand Final between Richmond and Adelaide and a man makes his way to his seat right behind the goal square. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty.
As it is close to start time, he leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there.
"No," says the neighbour. "The seat is empty"
This is incredible", said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for theGrand final and not use it?"
The neighbour says "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Grand Final we haven't been to together since we got married in 1966"
"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head "No, they're all at the funeral."
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King Neptune was holding Court and he accused a Dolphin of being an alcoholic.
The Dolphin in his own defense said "But Sire, I only drink for Medicinal Porpoises" .
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"I'd move heaven and earth to be able to break a hundred on this course," sighed the veteran golfer. "Try heaven," advised his caddie. "You've already moved most of the earth."
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Bob moved in with his girlfriend and her enormous collection of old magazines. They took up an entire room.
“It’s me or the magazines,” Bob insisted. When she refused to part with any of them, Bob left. As he told his friends, she just had too many issues.
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A man was saying how first-aid classes had prepared him for an emergency. "I saw a woman hit by a car," he said. "She had a broken arm, a twisted knee and a fractured skull. "How horrible. What did you do?" he was asked. "Thanks to my first-aid training," he said, "I knew exactly how to handle it. I sat on the kerb and put my head between my knees so I wouldn't faint."
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During lunch on the building site, my workmates and I were playing “I Spy”. When it was his turn, Paul said, “I spy two words starting with R and I.”
After 15 minutes, we gave up and demanded to know the answer.
“Wrought iron,” he said.
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Barry calls his boss and says, “I’m having trouble with my eyes.”
“What’s wrong with them?” the boss asks.
“I can’t see myself coming into work today,” says Barry.
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“According to this survey on marriage, 50% of men are unfaithful to their wives,” a wife tells her husband, “and the rest would be if it wasn’t for their hobby. Do you know what their hobby is?”
“No idea,” replies her husband.
“No,” snarls his wife. “I didn’t think so!”
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