'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me…”
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Wife: There is a problem with the tractor. It has water in the carburetor.
Husband: Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.
Wife: I’m telling you the tractor has water in the carburetor.
Husband: You don’t even know where the carburetor is. Where’s the tractor?
Wife: In the pool.
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A chicken enters the library and approaches the librarian and says “Book book book. “
She leaves with three books. She comes back half an hour later and puts the books
in the return chute. She approaches the librarian again and says “Book book book.”
And leaves the library again with three books The librarian wonders what’s going on.
The chook comes back half an hour later and puts the books in the return chute.
She approaches the librarian again and says “book book book.” and leaves again
with three books. The librarian decides to follow the chicken who heads down the
path and into the public gardens making her way to the pond. A frog hops out of
the pond and the chicken shows it the books. The frog says “ read it read it read it.”
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I always share any snacks I buy so my husband was apparently hurt when I didn’t
offer him any licorice from the bag in front of me.
After a while I went out to make some coffee and when I returned I found my husband
crying with laughter with the packet in his hand. Turns out he decided to sneak
a couple of pieces while I was gone. He had just put on his glasses and discovered
they were the dog’s liver balls!
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A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking
in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
They pondered this possibility, but the Frenchman and the Russian soon shake
their heads in disagreement.
"Nonsense," says the Frenchman. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly,
they are French."
Although the Russian and the Brit agreed on this point, there still seemed
to be something amiss.
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat,
and they're being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian."
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A man is sitting in a fancy restaurant when his food finally arrives at his table.
As the plate is being served the man notices the waiter has his thumb resting on the
edge of his steak.
"Umm, excuse me," the man says, "but I couldn't help but notice you had your thumb
on my steak."
"Yes, I know, sir," the waiter responds, "but I didn't want to drop it again."
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A group of junior level executives were participating in a management training program.
The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take
action on these decisions.
"For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump,
how many frogs would you have left on the log?"
The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two."
"Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference
between deciding to jump and jumping."
