LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE
Please do not drink and drive during the Christmas period.
If you want to get home safely, my team can help for FREE !!
Please call me at least two days in advance to make a booking.
We will come around and drink for you so you can safely drive home.
Have a safe and Happy Christmas.
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Some puns
1. Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
2. What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
3. Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
4. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
5. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
6. Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
7. A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
8. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
9. Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
10. How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
11. I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
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A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had
his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.
The man, who was a Priest, said, ... 'I am a Father...'
The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that...'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't wear his collar that way!'
The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went back
to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should put your pants on backwards instead of your collar.
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The kangaroo just kept escaping.
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high,
the zoo officials put up a ten metre fence. But the next morning he got out again
and was found roaming around the zoo. A twenty-metre fence was put up.
But again he got out.
When the fence was forty metres high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo: “How high do you think they’ll go?”
The kangaroo said: “Maybe more than a hundred metres unless somebody starts locking the gate at night!”
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Some little idiot set fire to our shed.
So t’missus is on the phone to our insurance agent
"It was insured for fifteen grand” she said "please send a cheque”
"Whoa .. hold on just a minute” says the agent … "insurance doesn’t work like that. We have to send round an independent adjuster who
will assess your loss and get you a replacement”
It goes deathly quiet…
"Hello … are you still there“ queries the agent
"Yep, sorry” says wifey "if that’s really how insurance works, I’d like to cancel the life policy on my husband”
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At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one
dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out.
Johnny's mother greets him at home, and he tells her, "I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him £20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him
with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him £40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the
mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!"
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"
