Two cows were standing next to each other in a field.
Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
Daisy exclaimed, "It's true, no bull!"
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Doctor Jones likes to stop into his local bar after work for an almond daiquiri. One day, Dick the bartender runs out of almonds and uses hickory nuts instead. The doctor takes a sip and says, "Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick?"
And Dick says, "It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."
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My wife and I were going through a rough patch financially, but we kept ourselves sane by repeating, "As long as we have each other, we don't need anything else."
But when the television in our bedroom broke and we couldn't afford to repair or replace it, my wife lost it.
"That's just great!" she shouted. "Now there's no entertainment in our bedroom at all!"
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To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they?
George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge!
(silence)
Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?
.jpg "President Ian Mc Kay & wife Sherril")
