Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of modern hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
-------------------------------------------------------------
"Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you're finished."
---Unknown
-------------------------------------------------------------
"It was different when we were kids. In second grade, a teacher came in and gave us all a lecture about not smoking, and then they sent us over to arts and crafts to make ash- trays for Mother's Day." --Paul Clay
-------------------------------------------------------------
"The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved."
--Russell Lynes
-------------------------------------------------------------
A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room ..."Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog - because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Bali!”
-------------------------------------------------------------
My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her
mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to
acess the popular "Ask Jeeves" site, and we told her it
could answer any question she had.
Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's
true, Mom. Think of something to ask it."
As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's
mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen
feeling?"
-------------------------------------------------------------
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had
All the wine in the world , I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it in to the river.'
Sermon complete, he sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'
--------------------------------------------------
Everyone knows I'm a stickler for good spelling. So, when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to "decifer" them, I had to set him straight.
I wrote, "Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f. In case you've forgotten, spell checker comes free with your soft- ware."
A minute later, I got this reply, "Mine must be dephective."
erly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of modern hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'
-------------------------------------------------------------
"Doing nothing is very hard to do, you never know when you're finished."
---Unknown
-------------------------------------------------------------
"It was different when we were kids. In second grade, a teacher came in and gave us all a lecture about not smoking, and then they sent us over to arts and crafts to make ash- trays for Mother's Day." --Paul Clay
-------------------------------------------------------------
"The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved."
--Russell Lynes
-------------------------------------------------------------
A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room ..."Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog - because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re all going to Bali!”
-------------------------------------------------------------
My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her
mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to
acess the popular "Ask Jeeves" site, and we told her it
could answer any question she had.
Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's
true, Mom. Think of something to ask it."
As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's
mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen
feeling?"
-------------------------------------------------------------
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had
All the wine in the world , I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it in to the river.'
Sermon complete, he sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'
--------------------------------------------------
Everyone knows I'm a stickler for good spelling. So, when an associate e-mailed technical documents asking me to "decifer" them, I had to set him straight.
I wrote, "Decipher is spelled with a ph, not an f. In case you've forgotten, spell checker comes free with your soft- ware."
A minute later, I got this reply, "Mine must be dephective."
