I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd, but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow.
I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows!
He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him . . . . . . but they kind of taste like peppermint.
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Historians have recently discovered that Annie Oakley, famed sharp-shooter of the Old West, had a sister.
The sister, Carrie, gained some renown in her day as a singer in various saloons throughout the West, but it was not until after her death that she was very widely known.
Today, countless bars are dedicated to Carrie Oakley.
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A student decided to try out for the rugby team… The huge university first year decided to try out for the rugby team. “Can you tackle?” asked the coach.
“Watch this,” said the student, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.
“Wow,” said the coach. “I’m impressed. Can you run?”
“Of course I can run,” said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred metre dash.
“Great!” enthused the coach. “But can you pass a football?”
The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. “Well, sir,” he said. “If I can swallow it, I can probably pass it.”
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A noted sex therapist realises that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devises a test to tell for certain how often someone has sex.
To prove his theory, he fills up an auditorium with people and goes down the line, asking each person to smile. Using the size of the person’s smile, the therapist is able to guess accurately until he comes to the last man in line, who is grinning from ear to ear.
“Twice a day,” the therapist guesses, but is surprised when the man says no.
“Once a day, then?” Again the answer is no.
“Twice a week?”
“No.”
“Twice a month?”
“No.”
The man finally says yes when the doctor gets to “once a year.”
The therapist is angry that his theory isn’t working, and asks the man: “What are you so happy about?”
The man answers: “Tonight’s the night!”
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Went to a restaurant last night , was asked if I wouldn’t mind waiting for a while , I said that’s ok , he said would I start with tables 15 and 17…
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The rain was pouring down outside O'Connor's Irish Pub. There standing in front of a big puddle outside the pub was an old Irishman, drenched, holding a stick, with a piece of string dangling in the water.
A passer-by stopped and asked him, "What are you doing?"
“Fishing” , replied the old man.
Feeling sorry for the old man, the gent says, “Come in out of the rain and have a drink with me”.
In the warm ambiance of the pub, as they sip their whiskies, the gentleman, being a bit of a superior smart ass, cannot resist asking, "So how many have you caught today.
"You're the 8th", replied the old man
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Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
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The new employee stood in front of he paper shredder looking confused.
“Need some help?” a secretary asked.
“Yes,” she replied. “How does this thing work?”
“Simple,” the secretary said, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shredder.
“Thanks, but where do the copies come out?”
