I went Christmas shopping to buy a Barbie Doll for my niece.
I viewed many Barbie Dolls, Nurse barbie, Teacher Barbie, Sporting Barbie, Chef Barbie.....etc. They were all $19.95. I came across Divorced Barbie which was $199.95.
I asked the sales lady “why was Divorced Barbie was so expensive?”
The sales lady replied “Divorced Barbie comes with all Ken’s accessory’s eg: Ken’s Boat, Ken’s House, Ken’s Cars.....etc.
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The census taker told the mayor of the little bush town that he was puzzled about the town’s population. For the past five years he had been on the job the population was the same – 1503. “Must be something wrong.”
“No,” said the Mayor. “It’s always been 1503.”
“But don’t you have babies?”
“Yep,” said the Mayor, “and every time we do some bloke has to leave town.”
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A bloke was in the bar and he is very drunk.
A group of the guys noticed his condition and decided to be good Samaritans and take him home.
First they stood him up to get his wallet so they could find out where he lives, but he kept falling down.
He fell down 6 more times on the way to the car, each time with a real thud.
After they got to his house he fell down another 4 times on the way to the door.
His wife comes to the door and says, “We bought your husband home.”
The wife says… “Where’s his wheelchair?”
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Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.
'You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never Driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?'
The driver said, 'No problem. Have at it.'
Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.
The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.
The trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo then got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure. The young trooper walked up to the driver's door and when the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.
He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. 'I know we are supposed to enforce the law.... but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.'
The supervisor asked, 'Is it the governor?'
The young trooper said, 'No, he's more important than that.'
The supervisor said, 'Oh, so it's the president.'
The young trooper said, 'No, he's even more Important than that.'
After a moment,the supervisor finally asked, 'Well then, who is it?'
The young trooper said, 'I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!'
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When we decided to sell our house, we nailed "FOR SALE BY OWNER" signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long, the doorbell rang. "How much do you want for the trees?" a young man asked.
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A woman visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and gloomy room, gazing at the Tarot cards laid out before her, the Tarot reader delivered the bad news: "There is no easy way to say this so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent death this year."
Visibly shaken, the woman stared at the psychic's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know.
She met the Tarot reader's gaze, steadied her voice and asked, "Will I get away with it?"
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