The light turned yellow, just in front of him.
He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.
The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him.
I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally...I assumed you had stolen the car.''
----------------------------------------
My mind is like an internet browser:
19 open tags
4 of them are frozen
There are hundreds of pop-ups
And I have no clue at all where that music is coming from....
----------------------------------------
A happily married man had only one complaint, his wife was always nursing sick birds.
One August evening, he came home to find a raven with a splint on his beak sitting in his favourite chair.
On the dining room table there was a feverish eagle pecking at an aspirin.
Meanwhile in his kitchen his wife was comforting a shivering little wren that she found in the snow.
The furious spouse strode over to where his wife was towelling down the cold little bird.
“I can’t take it any more! We’ve got to get rid of all of these damn …..”
The wife held up her hand to cut him off in mid-curse.
“Please Dear,” she said, “Not in front of the chilled wren.”
----------------------------------------
A husband & wife who worked for the circus went to an adoption agency. The social worker raised doubts about their suitability. The couple then produced photos of their 50-foot motor home, which was clean & well maintained & equipped with a beautiful nursery.
The social worker then raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care. "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, & computer skills. "
Then the social worker expressed concern about a child being raised in a circus environment. "Our nanny will be a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, & diet. "The social worker was finally satisfied & asked, "What age of child are you hoping to adopt?"
It doesn't really matter . . . . . . as long as the kid fits in the cannon."
----------------------------------------
"Will the father be present during the birth?" the obstetrician asked solicitously.
"Nah," replied the mother-to-be. "He and my husband don't get along."
----------------------------------------
Father: "Son, you were adopted."
Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"
Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."
----------------------------------------
Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull walks into a local bank in Point Piper to cash a cheque. He is surrounded by Protective Security Officers. As he approaches the teller he says, "Good morning, could you please cash this cheque for me?"
Teller: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Turnbull: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am Malcolm Turnbull, the Prime Minister of Australia!!!!"
Teller:
"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of the war on terror, imposters, forgers, money laundering, the GFC, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."
Turnbull:
"Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Teller:
"I am sorry Mr. Prime Minister but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Turnbull:
"I am urging you, please, to cash this cheque. I need to buy a gift for Lucy for Valentine's Day"
Teller:
"Look Mr. Prime Minister, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Greg Norman came into one of our bank branches without ID. To prove he was Greg Norman he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a coffee cup. With that shot we knew him to be Greg Norman and cashed his cheque.
Another time, Pat Rafter came into the same place without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in a coffee cup. With that shot we cashed his cheque.
So, Mr. Prime Minister, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the Prime Minister of Australia?"
Turnbull:
Turnbull stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don't have a clue.
Teller:
"50's and 20's be OK, Mr. Prime Minister?
.jpg "President Ian Mc Kay & wife Sherril")
.jpg)
.jpg)
