I have CDO.
It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order like it should be.
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The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary. She ignored the telephone when it rang.
"You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably.
"All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. It's always for you."
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A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said, "You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking."
The cat thought for a minute and then said, "All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on."
God said, "Say no more." Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow.
A few days later, six mice were killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that was made to the cat.
"Well, we have had to run all of our lives: from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms!" said the mice. "If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again."
"Done," said God All the mice had beautiful little roller skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. She was lounging on her fluffy pillow. "Is everything okay? How have you been doing?
Are you happy?"
"Oh, it is wonderful," said the cat. "I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and the Meals on Wheels was a nice touch."
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Tech Support ...
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
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Why is ABBREVIATED such a long word?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
What happens if you are travelling in a car at the speed of light and switch your headlights on?
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"The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie." ---George Deukmejian.
Speaking of golf, I read a book this week called “Commander in Cheat… How golf explains Trump.” By Rick Reilly. Very enlightening.
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Chip went to a barber shop for a shave. While the barber was foaming him up, Chip mentioned the problem he has getting a close shave around his cheeks.
"I have just the thing," said the barber, taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
Chip placed the ball in his mouth and received the closest shave he had ever experienced.
After a few strokes, Chip asks in garbled speech "And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," replied the barber, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.
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