A guy is sitting in The Great Southern Stand at the MCG during the Grand Final.
It's 1/2 time and he can't believe that the seat next to him is still vacant.
He starts up a conversation with the guy sitting on the other side of the vacant seat "This is incredible" he says, "Who in their right mind would have a seat at the Grand Final and not use it"
The other guy says "Well actually, the seat belongs to my wife, she was supposed to come but she passed away. This is the first grand final we haven't been together since we were married in 1972"
"Oh ....I'm really sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or a relative or even a neighbour to take the seat?''
The man shakes his head "No. they're all at the funeral."
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An Irishman man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river. He proceeds into the water, & bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk shouts, "Yes, I am."
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus!"
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, brother?"
The drunk answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus!"
By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again, but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds; and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?”
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Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"
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Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted to cooking.
"I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it."
"Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other.
"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish."
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Hey everyone,
A good mate of mine (Collingwood Supporter) has 2 fully paid tickets for the AFL Grand Final in a private box with all food and refreshments included.
Unfortunately, he didn't realise when he bought them that they would make the Grand Final, and it is on the same day as his wedding, so he can't go.
If you're interested and want to go instead of him, it is at 2pm at St Paul’s Catholic Church, Melbourne and her name is Emily.