The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company. "Do you have a second mortgage on your home?"
"No," I replied.
"Would you like to consolidate all your debts?"
"I really don't have any," I said.
"How about freeing up cash for home improvements?" he tried.
"I don't need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash," I parried.
There was a brief silence, and then he asked, "Are you looking for a husband?"
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My son rang me to tell that he had been "made redundant" To be blunt he
was sacked. Oh Oh
Me: "Whatever will you do now?
He: "Well, we'll go down to the pub"
Me: "OOH…. surely you won't drown your sorrows in drink"
He: "No, I'll just give them a swimming lesson"
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I sat there waiting for my new doctor to make his way
through the file that contained my very extensive medical history.
After he finished all seventeen pages, he looked at me and said, "Bill...
you look better in person than you do on paper."
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My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding from
9 holes to 18 holes. Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was
mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed
away. It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on.
When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at
me in awe. I had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the other, and
behind me was a clear-cut swath leading out of the woods.
"There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to lose his ball!"
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Knock, knock, Who's there?
Gorilla, Gorilla who?
Gorilla me a hamburger.
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A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him, and now he can say only one word a year. So he waits 14 agonizing years—accumulating all his words—before approaching his beloved.
Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat. He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and intones, "My darling,
I have waited many years to say this: Will you marry me?"
The princess turns around, smiles, and says, "Pardon?"
