A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed at the next worship service, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10' Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.' Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'
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A priest and a taxi driver arrive at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter welcomes them and shows them to their new homes.
For the taxi driver, a beautiful villa looking over a gorgeous field of clouds. “Thank you,” the ecstatic taxi driver says anticipating an even bigger mansion, the priest is dismayed when they arrive at a small one bedroom apartment.
“St. Peter, I’m a little puzzled,” the priest says. “As a clergyman, I devoted decades of my life solely to serving the Lord. How come the taxi driver got a villa, and for me, only a small apartment?”
St. Peter smiles and says: “Up here, we go by results. While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.”
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The fact that there’s a highway to Hell, And only a stairway to Heaven, Says a lot about Anticipated Traffic Numbers.
So, when is this old enough to know better supposed to kick in?
When you are dead, you don’t know you’re dead.
It’s only difficult for others.
It’s the same way when you’re stupid.
Be careful when you follow the masses –
Sometimes the ‘M’ is silent.
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Three storks, father, mother and baby, are asked what they did today?
Father stork says, “I flew everywhere making people happy.”
Mother stork says, “I also flew everywhere making people happy.”
And Baby stork says, “I flew over a camp of college kids and frightened the crap out of them!”
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From George
Two Interesting Years
Interesting Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.
3. Australia lost the Ashes.
4. The Pope died.
Interesting Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married.
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.
3. Australia lost the Ashes.
4. The Pope died.
Lesson to be learned:
The next time Charles gets married, someone should warn the Pope.
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A man writing at the post office desk was approached by an older fellow with a post card in his hand. The old man said: “Sir, I’m sorry to bother you but could you address this post card for me? My arthritis is acting up today and I can’t even hold a pen.”
“Certainly sir,” said the younger man, “I’d be glad to.”
He wrote out the address and also agreed to write a short message and sign the card for the man. Finally, the younger man asked: “Now, is there anything else I can do for you?”
The old fellow thought about it for a moment and said: “Yes, at the end could you just add, ‘P.S. Please excuse the sloppy hand-writing’.”
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