A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house.
She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags.
I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."
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My friend was at the beauty parlor when she overheard another woman rattle on to the
manicurist about the sad state of her marriage. "Things have gotten so bad," she said,
"I think I might ask for a divorce. What do you think?"
"That's a serious matter," came the reply. "I think you should consult another manicurist."
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Law of Gravity
- Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible place in the universe.
Law of Probability
- The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the
stupidity of your act.
Law of Random Numbers
- If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.
Variation Law
- If you change lines (or traffic lanes),
the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.
The Coffee Law
- As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something
which will last until the coffee is cold.
Law of Close Encounters
- The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are
with someone you don't want to be seen with.
14. Law of Logical Argument
- Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.
Law of the Result
- When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!
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The short clairvoyant escaped from goal. Police are looking for small medium at large
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Arguing with your Boss is like wrestling with a pig in mud.
After a while you realize that while you are getting dirty, the pig is actually enjoying it.
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First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door. Funny sense of humour my plumber has.
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My English professor was stopped for speeding. When asked why she was driving so fast,
she quoted Robert Frost: "I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep."
"But, Miss," replied the officer, obviously familiar with the poet, "Frost chose the road less travelled, and, unfortunately for you, this wasn't it."
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Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees
a car puttering along at 22 KPH. He says to himself, "this driver is just as dangerous
as a speedster!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the Car, he notices that
there are five old ladies - two in the front seats and three in the back - wide eyed and
white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him "Officer, I don't Understand, I was doing
exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving
slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit
Exactly.. Twenty-two kilometres an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 was the highway
number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the Woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask.. Is everyone in this car OK?
These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't made a peep this whole time,"
the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Highway 162."
