A couple are sitting in their living room, sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife murmurs, "I love you."
"Is that you or the wine talking?" asks the husband.
"It's me," says the wife, "talking to the wine."
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I called an old MIT engineering classmate and asked what he was doing.
He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."
I was impressed...Upon further inquiring, I learned that he was washing dishes with hot water under his wife's supervision.
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The day before Anthony started at a new school, his dad had a meeting with the teacher.
“Anthony has a gambling problem. You’ll have to keep an eye on him during class.”
“I understand,” said the teacher. “I won’t let it get out of hand.”
The next day, Anthony walked into the classroom and introduced himself to the teacher.
“Good morning! I met your dad yesterday,” the teacher said, smiling.
“I bet you $10 you’ve got a mole on your bottom,” said Anthony.
The teacher smiled, seeing a way to break the gambling habit. She quickly showed Anthony that there was no mole, and he paid her the $10 without question.
That night, Anthony’s dad rang the teacher. “Johnny said he lost a bet with you.”
“Yes,” said the teacher. “I’m hoping that a few losses will cure the gambling problem.”
“Well, you’re wrong about that,” said the father. “He bet me $100 this morning that he would see your backside before the day was over.”
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Did you hear about the two guys who decided to try duck hunting? They bought new outfits & equipment, and went out to a place in the woods where they heard the hunting was really good. But after several hours of thrashing through the woods, one fellow said, "I don't know about this. We've been out here all day and haven't caught a single duck. Do you think we're doing something wrong?"
"I don't know," replied the other. "Maybe we're not throwing the dog high enough."
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Once upon a time, there were four people; Their names were Everybody, Somebody, Nobody and Anybody.
Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody thought that Somebody would do it, but Nobody realized that Nobody would do it.
So consequently Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done in the first place.
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It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia asked their new elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was an elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared.
But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea.
He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked, 'Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?'
The meteorologist responded, 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold.'
So the elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.
A week later he called the Bureau of Meteorology again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'
The meteorologist again replied, 'Yes, it's going to be a very cold winter.'
The elder again went back to his community and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later the elder called the Bureau again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' he asked.
'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.'
'How can you be so sure?' the elder asked.
The weatherman replied, 'Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that's always a sure sign.'
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My friend asked his father-in-law, a crop duster, how his day had gone.
"I had just the worst day," replied the man. "This morning I was up in my plane dusting a field when I nicked a power line and damaged the wing on the plane. When I got back to the office, my boss chewed me out. Then the guy from the FAA chewed me out.
"On my way home, I stopped at a bar and was handed a warm beer. So I yelled at the bartender, 'Don't you have any cold beer?!'
"The bartender said, 'Sorry, but we've been out of electricity all day ever since some idiot crop-duster hit a power line down the road.'"
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