LOGON:….Adding wood to make the camp fire hotter.

LOG OFF:….Not adding any more wood to the camp fire.

MONITOR:….Keeping an eye on the fire.

DOWNLOAD:….Getting the firewood off the Ute.

HARD DRIVE:….Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.

KEYBOARD:….Where you hang the Ute keys.

WINDOWS:….What you shut when the weather's cold.

SCREEN:….What you shut in the mozzie season.

BYTE:….What mozzies do.

MEGABYTE:….What Townsville mozzies do.

CHIP:….A pub snack.

MICROCHIP:….What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.

MODEM:….What you did to the lawns.

LAPTOP:….Where the cat sleeps.

SOFTWARE:….Plastic knives and forks you get at Red Rooster.

HARDWARE:….Stainless steel knives and forks - from K-Mart. 

MOUSE:….The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.

MAINFRAME:….What holds the shed up.

WEB:….What spiders make.

WEBSITE:….Usually in the shed or under the verandah.

SEARCH ENGINE:….What you do when the Ute won't go.

CURSOR:….What you say when the Ute won't go.

YAHOO:….What you say when the Ute does go. 

UPGRADE:…. A steep hill.

SERVER:….The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

MAIL SERVER:….The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

USER:….The neighbour who keeps borrowing things. 

NETWORK:….What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.

INTERNET:….Where you want the fish to go.

NETSCAPE:….What the fish do when they discover a hole in the net. 

ONLINE:….Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE:….Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.