There are things we simply do not want to talk about
Posted by Robert Chambers
on Jul 17, 2012
The members were exposed to one of those topics when the Director of Resident Services of the Twin Town Villa spoke of "Elder Abuse" at the regular meeting at Prante's Tuesday noon July 17th. One must first understand what elder abuse is. It is the harm caused to an older adult by someone who limits or controls their rights and freedoms. Most people think of abuse as physical but it can also be emotional, financial, sexual, neglect as violation of rights and freedoms. It is always about power; someone who has power over the elder individual controls their choices or limits them by physical abuse. Frequently the victim is afraid to speak up as they believe they may lose the services of a financial adviser or the "love" of a family member.
Abuse is not impolite or rude behavior. Abuse is in some way related to power and control. Thus; two old guys of equal size and strength in a nursing home duke it out in an argument about the Vikings versus the Packers and both acquiring black eyes. It might look awful but it is not abuse as neither has power over the other. A daughter repeatedly calls an elderly parent a "pain in the a**" or other derogatory terms. There are no physical marks but this is abuse as is a person looking after the person's financial affairs diverting the money for their own use. Neighbors, friends and family members as well as bystanders can make a difference by caring about the people around them and taking steps when they see something that "just does not seem correct". The standard for concern is very low but it is not then up to that observer to intervene directly (except in the case of an immediate physical threat) or carry out an investigation. That is up to properly trained social workers from the County and/or police. A report of suspicion is all that the bystander need do. The problem is that abusers can be very charming and may be well liked in a community and that can make it very awkward for the observer. Sometimes there are warning signs: the elder person frequently does not want to go somewhere where they will encounter some person; they become depressed or fearful; there is no food in the house; the phone is cut off; stops attending church or social events; the elder person alleges abuse but no one listens. Our elder population deserves better.