- Accountant - someone hired to explain that you didn't make the money that you did
- Claustrophobia -being frightened of Santa
- Cuberty - the stage reached by teens when their parents seem square
- Dilate - to live as long as the Queen Mother did
- Dreadlocks - a fear of opening the door
- Gossip - someone with a great sense of rumour
- Heck - where the people go who don't believe in Gosh
- Irritainment - new description for senseless television programmes
- Lame Duck - a person whose goose is cooked
- Meanness - a box containing two batteries and note saying "Gift not included'
- Modesty - a man who has caught a really huge fish carrying it home through a back road
- Punctuality- the art of guessing how late others will be
- Synonym - a word you use when you cant spell the one you want to use
- Voice jail - the communication nightmare created by automated phone systems
from Max Cryer "Curious Thoughts" 2002, as heard on National Radio