I have a dog that talks in his sleep. One day a visitor was astonished to hear the dog bellow, "My name is Christopher Columbus, I'm 700 years old! I own America! I married Marilyn Munroe!" When the visitor asked what was going on, I replied, "Don't worry about it, it's better to just let sleeping dogs lie."
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A 16-year-girl bought herself a tiny bikini. She went home and put it on, then showed her mother how she looked in it.
She asked, "What do you think Mom?"
Her mother replied, " I think if I had worn that when I was your age, You'd be five years older!"
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A man was giving a speech at a meeting, He gets a bit carried away and talks for two hours. Finally, he realizes what he is doing and says, "I'm sorry I talked so long, I left my watch at home." A voice from the back of the room calls out, " there's a calendar behind you."