"Doctor, Doctor I cant stop singing the green, green grass of home!"
"That sounds like the Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
You just take me for grunted.
What do you call just married spiders?
Newly webs
"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year."
= Comedian Victor Borge
"Been learning to guess the weight of dogs - picked up a few pointers yesterday"
= Comedian Olaf Falafel
Life in NZ, courtesy of the NZ Listener:
"I live in a small town. Someone called my mum and told her they saw me trying to buy alcohol at the grocery store. I'm 41"
- Seen on Twitter
The Beehive houses Government ministers with the Prime Minister's office on the ninth floor and the Cabinet room on the tenth. or top floor. The spokesman said there were no indications any drips had made it through to the Cabinet room.
The Herald
"We have okay coverage. but I thought the screen was frozen, then I realised Steve Hansen's face just looks like that."
- Comedian Justine Smith on 7 Days