Posted by Phil Danz
Demotion of Dick Bauer 6-28-2022
On June 28th, 2022, the Club conducted the official demotion of Richard (Dick) Lee Bauer (right above) as the President of the Carmichael Rotary Club and installed our new president Richard Olebe (left) for the 2022-2023 Rotary Year. A committee of his fellow members, conducted a skit which enumerated a critique of both the good and the (bad?) accomplishments of his year. For more info and pictures, click on "Read More" below:
 
President Dick Bauer opened his last (gasp) meeting in a special room (at our soon to be) new meeting place at the Spaghetti factory (Watt Ave) and gave the "Thought for the Day" .  The thought somehow etherized into the atmosphere and was lost to antiquity. He turned the meeting over to his immediate past president David Thorman and it happened, after dinner, that the demotion proceedings began in a "court room" style trial with the bailiff (Geronimo) bringing in the prisoner  in uniform. 
Above (left) is the District 5180 Federal Judge, Rodolfo Puffrock (A.K.A. Phil Danz; Above right (left to right) is the prisoner, Dick Bauer and the Bailiff, Geronimo; Below left is world famous prosecuting attorney, Vickie Boatwright and below right is the defense attorney, David Thorman
 
 
The Bailiff calls everyone to rise to welcome the Honorable Rodolfo Puffrock, Judge of the Rotary District 5180, Carmichael Division. Judge Puffrock enters the room and takes his place, while admirers in the audience chant “Here comes the Judge, here comes the Judge”
 
Judge Puffrock says: "Richard Bauer was the Carmichael Rotary Club president this last year 2021-2022 and was never properly investigated for his prior year of presidency 2017-2018. Now in legal terms the chickens have come home to roost – so to speak.
Prior to coming to Rotary, Dick Bauer spent 30 years working for Kaiser, he felt like he was getting out of jail. Not one to transition easily, he signed on to work in the County Jail, and as you can see by his clothing, he has returned to the security of regular hearty meals.
Some say that at the prison, he was running a scam selling illegal and bogus passports to unsuspecting prisoners. Others say that he was prescribing tatoos, sex changes, and writing excuses to get prisoners out of jail. Others say that he was giving life saving vaccinations, and was curing cancer. In any case, he came to Rotary with a questionable background. So we made him our president – twice!
 
 While President Bauer led the membership through the uncertain and uncharted waters of COVID, Venue Location Issues, food menu choices for meetings, ZOOM based meetings, and Community Projects, his methods and reasons have come under question.  Some say his actions borderline on the criminal.  Others say these actions were the work of an insane mind.  We are here today to present the evidence and explore the depths of depravity, insanity, and craziness as it has impacted our membership, our community, and the world.  Is President Dick an evil genius as some have said, an eccentric nut as has been  these???
Richard Lee Bauer, how do you plead ? Guilty or not guilty?"
 
Defense Attorney David Thorman answers for the accused: Not guilty your honor.
 
 
The case for the prosecution
 
I, Vicky Boatwright: Prosecuting Attorney, and world famous District Attorney will make the case against President Dick Bauer:
 
"AS PROSECUTING ATTORNEY, I WILL PRESENT THE EVIDENCE AGAINST DR. BAUER IN THE CASE OF ROTARY CLUB OF CARMICHAEL VS. DR. RICHARD BAUER:"
 
  1. Dr. Bauer had ZOOM issues all year long, with technical glitches and operator error to the point of effecting headaches, indigestion, and nervous twitching of his audience.  His image changing, instability of operation, poor audio, and loss of Wi-Fi connections was said to induce seizures in the audience from time to time.  One ZOOM guest speaker left unexpectedly and has not been seen since.
  2. Dr. Bauer’s PowerPoint presentations were redundant, including having the membership read the Pledge of Allegiance, alternating with a PowerPoint flag slide, like we were third graders.  Likewise members were forced to chant the “Four Way Test” and to answer questions like
    1. “What Rotary Theme is this month?”
    2. “What is the theme of Rotary this year?”
Also, his wife was constantly interrupted while preparing these PowerPoint slides with questions like “How do I do this, Kari?” and “How do I cut and paste, Kari?
  1. While ignoring the universal hissing and booing of random Sparky pictures during Dr. Herrera’s term, Dr. Bauer shamelessly flung pictures at us of his pup Taffy during weekly “Happy Fines.”  Also, folks rarely correctly said “Gong Bong” consistently.  Instead, aberrations such as a “Bong Gong,” “Ding Dong,” “Long Gong,” and other more vulgar variations were uttered.
  2. “Chuckles of the Day” replaced “Joke of the Day” during the Bauer tenure.  These were often a series of cartoons with vague punchlines, unreadable text, questionable appropriateness, and dull wit.  One was bad enough, but any given meeting could have as many as 4 to 6 such cartoons!  Moans and groans were heard throughout the audience.  Alcohol consumption must have increased during these presentations…to ease the pain.
  3. Mr. Jim Thompson was a respected long-standing member of the Carmichael Rotary Club, and with his passing Dr. Bauer sought to honor his memory and contributions with a Jim Thompson Society.  HOWEVER, the organizational gymnastics to accomplish this became excruciating.  Contributions from where?  How to account for the contributions?  How many contributions to earn recognition?  What kind of recognition? 
  4. Effie Yeaw (the nature center, not the naturalist) played a big role in the Bauer regime.  The membership was subjected to milkweed, mud, extreme heat, Monarch butterflies, rattlesnakes, paint fumes, ticks and bugs while participating in various projects throughout the year.
  5. A meeting venue search took place during Dr. Bauer’s tenure.  He found a small room with a huge pool table, mismatching furniture, broken air conditioning, poor acoustics, limited space and no sound proofing from the noise and music in the connecting bar.
  6. Bocci Ball was introduced during Dr. Bauer’s year as president.  He is accused of scamming and setting up the competition with the Carmichael Kiwanis club to high stakes betting.  He trained us to be ringers with repeated practice sessions and “loaded small balls.”
  7. Reprising the Tri-Tip Dinner fundraiser disrupted Heine’s business by taking over his parking lot and we heard from several displeased customers, “WHERE’S THE BREAD AND COOKIE??”
   10. Dr. Bauer’s reputation as a “fiscally conservative” (some say “tightwad”) was in evidence when he’d try to make change for his happy fine donation from the donation box.
 
 
The Defense : by Attorney David Thorman 
  1.  Zoom - the time period of Dick’s term was difficult because of the transition from Zoom to hybrid meetings.  Dick, working with Greg, did a great job of having meetings that were inclusive of members in faraway places (Vince) or home sick, and allowed speakers from all over the world.  Toggling between screen sharing, recording, managing band width, audio glitches with acoustical feedback wasn’t easy.
  2. Power PointDick’s power points were very thorough.  He wanted to make sure everyone understood the importance and significance of what Rotary stands for.  The four way test repetition was an example of this.
  3. Taffy – Taffy is a cute dog and Dick had good reason to be proud and show him off.  “Bong Gong,” “Ding Dong,” “Long Gong,” is a bit crazy but having options on donations is good plus it is good to know where your donations are going.
  4. “Chuckles” – a little humor goes a long way and Dick did his best to get us to laugh and relax during the trying Covid times.  Mind you he did this with literally a little humor, very little humor…but then again, look at the audience he was working with.
  5. Effie YawDick and Kari have developed one of our most significant Carmichael continuing relationships with a well respected nature organization.
  6. Meeting venue-  When we were kicked out of Ancil Hoffman, Dick did a fine job of finding us a friendly local restaurant meeting place and should be applauded for it. …and just look at us tonight - in a new venue (The Spaghetti Factory).
  7. Bocci Ball – another Dick idea that is off to a good start!  He cared enough about getting this Rotary/Kiwanis activity off to a such good start that he attended the first practice alone, in the rain, and even strained his derrière muscles picking up those “heavy balls”. Mind you he purchased a set of light balls that he could have used, but NOOOO.
  8. Jim Thompson Society – a great idea that will be remembered as one of the most significant achievements for our club, and Dick will be well remembered for setting it up.  Sure it was an effort to work through the logo, the number of stones on the pin, the color of the stones, the source of contributions, how to make contributions, how many contributions will get you a stone...…but in the end it is an accomplishment that produced a fitting memorial to Jim Thompson and produced lasting funding for the Foundation.
As you know, Dick strongly supported RYLA.  I would like Kari to come up and read a letter I recently received from a RYLA student, Danika Lamb.
Kari reads an impassioned letter extolling RYLA from one of the students we sponsored.
(there is not a dry eye in the room)
 
To sum up Dick’s defense: he has been an outstanding president and led us through one of the toughest years in the club’s history. 
His hard work, dedication, genuine concern for things Rotary and our community
have left a lasting impression on not only our club, but also the friends he made along the way. 
Let’s give what I have said in his defense the four way test:
  1. Is it the truth?
  2. Is it fair to all concerned?
  3. Will it build goodwill and better friendships?
  4. Will it be beneficial to all concerned?
The defense rests and Judge gets jury decision read by head juror Kari Bauer:
 
Guilty, your honor 
Guilty of being an outstanding president!
The skit ends.......
 
Oh and before the trial, President Dick Bauer gave out certificate awards to his Board and other worthy members.
Finally, Dick Bauer gave the meeting over to our new president Richard Olebe. Richard introduced his new board members and ended the meeting. More to come on our next meeting on July 12th.