Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected; Winston Churchill loved them:

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
 
2. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
 
3.  If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
 
4.  War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
 
5.  Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.  Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
 
6. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
 
7  To steal ideas from someone is plagiarism.  To steal from many is called research.
 
8.  In filling in an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency', notify:  I put 'DOCTOR.'
 
9.  I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
 
10  Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they look sexy.
 
11.  Behind every successful man is his woman.  Behind the fall of a successful man is  usually another woman.

12.  A clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory.
 
13.   I used to be indecisive.  Now I'm not so sure.
 
14.  Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.  Nor is there any future in it.
 
15  Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
 
16.  Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car.
 
17.  I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

18. I am not arguing with you, I am explaining why you are wrong.