This week our resident comedienne presents some thoughts that have made her smile during the lockdown.
Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
If you can’t think of a word, say “I forgot the English word for it.”
That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.
I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.
My goal for 2020 was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 16 to go. 
Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes.
Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese.
FINE, it was a pizza.... OK, I ate a pizza! Are you happy now?
A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
I love approaching 80, I learn something new every day and forget 5 other things.
A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money, so I got up and searched with him.
I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Just remember; once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.
It’s weird being the same age as old people.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be older..this is *not* what I expected.
It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.
I see people about my age mountain climbing; I feel good just getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
*Coronacoaster* - noun; the ups and downs of a pandemic. One day you’re loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread, and going for long walks; the next day you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don’t even like.
I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.
You don’t realise how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.