Wollundry Rotary
31 March 2020
We are all experiencing changes to our lifestyle that could never have been imagined. Most of us are able to cope with and adhere to the Government guidelines. The social distancing rules have been made very clear to us and we all have the responsibility to maintain our distance and be vigilant is all the sanitising guidelines.
Some of our members have and will experience further financial difficulties. The Government funding made available might ease some of that pressure. The various options available for individuals and business are substantial and can be found on various websites. The Federal Government Treasury website has a good summary. It can be accessed on
                        https://treasury.gov.au/coronavirus/sme-guarantee-scheme
My Mother remembered the 2nd world War and the dramas surrounding that time. She was a nurse when so many injured soldiers returned with terrible injuries. That, of course, went on for a very long time for physical injuries and decades for other injuries. A period of time wished never to be repeated. Our current situation has no similarity other than this is a “health” war and the Government is financially propping up the country. We can thank our children and grandchildren in advance for shouldering the burden of long term debt which is emerging.
At our Board meeting in early March we decided that we would not have meetings until after Easter but that will not happen, however, we had a special Board meeting this week on Zoom, courtesy of Paul Murray,   and decided the following.
  • The Club will acquire a “zoom” package and we will schedule a weekly E meeting. For access to this option all members will need to install the Zoom software to the computer. The instructions are attached
  • The previously approved payment of $7200 to Pygmy Child Care in The Congo will need Club approval
  • We are negotiating with the agent for The Black Sorrows to refund the 50% deposit we paid.
  • Our Saturday markets are cancelled for April and May and will be reviewed later. The Thursday Producers market at the Showground remains in operation and some producers will operate on Saturday April 11, our nominated market day, also at the Showground.
  • Our application to District for reduction of District fees was previously refused and DG John McKenzie send us notice that if our District dues were not paid by 31 March a request to RI would be made to suspend our Club. I have been in touch with RI and the matter is being reviewed.
There has been overall support for the bulletin to continue and a number of members have contributed jokes or ditties. Some of those will be included. A couple of members have accessed Club Runner and sent those to members.Kppe it going Members. There have been some classics
 
Pykie
31  March  2020
PS
All the below have been contributed by other members. None from me this week
 From David Wishart
 This young woman is about re marry for the third time and is still a virgin so how come. Well the first time she married a psychiatrist and all he did was talk about it. The second time he was a optometrist and all he did was look at it. So this time I am marrying a solicitor so I will get screwed for sure. Regards David Wishart
 
And from Richard Baguley
MURDER AT WOOLWORTHS 

Tired of constantly
Being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.
 

A 'friend of a friend'
Put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for  snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.
The Husband
said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his  wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. 
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Woolworths Supermarket store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store.
 

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. 
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...

(You're going to hate me for this...)


'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WOOLWORTHS
 
From Geoff Breust
IMPONDERABLES
  1. If you take an Oriental man and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?
     
  2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
     
  3. Do infants enjoy infantry as much as adults enjoy adultery?
     
  4. If a pig loses its voice, does it become disgruntled?
     
  5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
     
  6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
     
  7. What does cheese say when it gets its picture taken?
     
  8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
     
  9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
     
  10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
     
  11. Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
     
  12. “I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?
     
  13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergy defrocked, does it not follow that electricians are delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
     
  14. Why is it you learn to swear when you learn to drive?
     
  15. Why is it no one ever says “it’s only a game” when their side is winning?
     
  16. Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant the same as making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
     
  17. Why is it that when you send something by road it’s called a shipment but when you send it by sea it’s called cargo?
     
  18. Why is it that convenience stores which are open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, have locks on the door?
     
  19. If four out of five people suffer from diarrhoea, does that mean one enjoys it?
 
ZOOM
 
The instructions below are for Dist 9700 meeting and this may be confusing to you but the same instructions will be valid for our Club meeting. So:
 
If you are unfamiliar with Zoom,  I suggest you spend a few minutes reviewing this document and clicking on the actual link below.
 
By clicking on the actual link, It will prepare your computer for the meeting by checking your software for an existing version of Zoom.  If it finds one, it opens it and tries to join the linked meeting.  If it doesn't find a copy of Zoom, it (1) downloads the software, (2) asks your name, and (3) tries to join the meeting.  Since there is no current meeting, you will not be able to join the meeting, however you will be prepared.
 
The email link is simply an internet site and a meeting ID.  The District meeting ID number is 386 861 1177.  
 
Here is the actual link:  https://zoom.us/j/3868611170
 
So if you have never used Zoom before, click on the above link to load the software.  If you have used Zoom before, all you need to do, is click the link at the appointed time for the meeting.
 
Another option you have… if  Zoom  is already loaded on your computer, is to open Zoom, and click on Join a Meeting, and then enter the meeting ID  386 861 1177.
 
Regarding hardware requirements, the best option is to use a computer headset and have a video camera, however you can attend the session without a camera or a headset.
 
While attending an online meeting it is advisable for everyone, except the host to Mute their microphones.  Any sound (Phone call, dog barking etc) gets transmitted to all attendees and disturbs the meeting.
Cheers,
 
Paul Murray
0408285562