i didn't realise until end of night on Tues that no photos were taken. However....I'm sure we could update more interesting photos than just the meeting, but rather photos of Rotary activities through the week.
Firstly, some bad puns…
1. A will is a dead giveaway.
2. A backward poet writes inverse.
3. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
4. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
5. If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
6. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.
7. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
8. You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
9. He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
10. A calendar’s days are numbered.
11. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
12. A plateau is a high form of flattery.
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A physician, an engineer, and a politician were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions. Each one of them thought they had this in the bag.
The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."
The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."
Then, the politician spoke up. "Yes yes, this is all well and true." he said.
"But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"
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A man who had been stranded on a desert island for 10 years all alone sees an unusual speck on the horizon. “It’s certainly not a ship,” he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer he rules out the possibility of a small boat, then even a raft.
Suddenly emerging from the surf walking towards him comes a drop-dead gorgeous woman wearing a wetsuit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned guy and asks, “How long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”
“Ten years,” he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a packet of fresh cigarettes. He takes a long drag and says, “Man oh man. This is good.”
She then asks him, “How long has it been since you had a sip of bourbon?”
Trembling, he replies “Ten years.”
She reaches over, unzips the waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, “This is absolutely fantastic.”
Then she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wetsuit, looks at the man seductively and asks, “And how long has it been since you’ve played around?”
The guy, with tears in his eyes, replies, “Oh my God. Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there.”
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*-- HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN --*
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her,
stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her,
hold her, spend money on her, wine and dine her, buy things
for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support
her, go to the ends of the earth for her....
*-- HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN --*
Show up n*ked, with beer....
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Paddy and Mick are waiting at a bus stop when a lorry containing rolls of turf passes by.
Mick says ''Dats what i'm a goin do when i win de lottery''
Paddy says ''Whats dat Mick?''
Mick replies '' Have me lawn sent away to be cut!
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Two friends meet in the street. The one man looked rather forlorn and down in the mouth. The other man asked, "Hey, how come you look like the whole world caved in?"
The sad fellow said, "Let me tell you. Three weeks ago, an uncle died and left me ten thousand dollars."
"I'm sorry to hear about the death, but a bit of good luck for you, eh?"
"Hold on, I'm just getting started. Two weeks ago, a cousin I never knew kicked the bucket and left me twenty thousand, free and clear."
"Well, you can't be disappointed with that!"
"Yep. But, last week my grandfather passed away. I inherited almost one hundred thousand dollars."
"Incredible... so how come you look so glum?"
"Well, this week...nothing!"
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Q: What was the gangsters last words?
A: Who put that violin in my violin case!
Q: What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?
A: Wet feet.
Q: What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?
A: A piano.
Q: What do you call a pig that does karate?
A: A pork chop.
Q: How do you make a hot dog stand?
A: Steal its chair.
- Thank you for viewing the Broadbeach Rotarlight -
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